Always on the Back Burner

It feels like since mid-June I just have had lots on my plate but not many things get done totally. I start working on something and either Michael has to finish it or it just gets put on the back burner for something else that needs done. I hope by the end of the summer I will have been able to enjoy some me time. Do art, sew, get some plans on the way for some redecorating and so on.

Gratitude Friday + me

1. For a beautiful day.
2. For being able to get out and take a drive on this beautiful day. We drove over the Colorado National Monument.
3. For getting my hair cut short - 8 inches off. And for being able to donate the hair to Locks of Love.
4. For time tonight to make up some bulk breakfast burritos.
5. For the library - I am on my last Sookie Stackhouse book. I am so thankful I can just order books online and pick them up.

Picture of my shorter hair...

The Journey Begins...

I know I won't have words for today. As said many times it is history in the making. In 2004, Michael and I heard just a little clip on CNN of a speech by Obama (weren't hooked on MSNBC at that time). I turned to Michael and said one day that man will be president. I didn't know anything about him. I had never heard him speak before. But that night how he spoke and more importantly the words he spoke were powerful and moved me. And that hasn't changed. When I listen to him, I am nodding in agreement and end up feeling hopeful - in a way I have never felt.

So today I am going to be spend my day glued to the TV. I will have kleenex box near me as I usually am so moved by Obama and in a few hours I can say "President Obama."


*image from Wallpaper for Obama

Art Journal 2009

For Christmas 2006, my sister Michelle gave me a little suede covered journal. And in it she wrote a little sweet note about using to create. I have wanted to do an art journal in it but it is one of those things I always have thought in my mind "I need to do it everyday" so it stopped me as I knew I would never be able to keep it up everyday. So this year I finally gave myself permission to not create in it everyday. Mostly after reading Visual Chronicles and Living the Creative Life.

So I don't expect to create in it everyday, but I hope to capture either moments that were important to me or just be creative without worrying about the "right away." It is my test ground for things. It is where I can do as little or as much as I want. Whatever I need in the moment to express.

My first entry in it is my favorite as it really represents me right now and of how I have felt at times and especially in turning 40.



Quote that is on the left hand side is from The Mermaid Chair: "I lived molded to the smallest space possible, my days the size of little beads that passed without passion through my fingers. So few people know what they're capable of. At forty (42) I'd never done anything that took my own breath away, and I suppose now that was part of the problem--my chronic inability to astonish myself."

(the book had 42 but I used 40 for me although I am 41)

It is acrylic paint on the background with rubber stamped images to just give it a little more texture (I am all about texture) and beads glued on - and then a mermaid that I had in my stack of ephemera that I painted just every so lightly.

Visual Chronicles

We got home from Denver maybe 30 minutes ago but I didn't want to forget to do this so signed online right away...

Last night before bed I was reading from Visual Chronicles by Linda Woods & Karen Dinino. It is a book that Michael got me for my birthday and I love. The sub-title to it is "The No-Fear Guide to Creating ART JOUNRALS, Creative manifestos and altered books."

Anyway..here is the quote I wanted to share...

"I AM ART. Say it loud and say it strong. You are art -- right here and now. You do not have to do anything to be "artistic" or learn anything special to be quotable. You are a living, breathing, perfect example of art. You are color, light, form, words, song, sound....You are a unique, ever-growing, ever-changing masterpiece."

I think that last part of..."You are color, light, form..." is really amazing.

Soul Collage

A very dear friend of mine, Jessica had been doing Soul Collage. I have seen her breathtaking and moving cards. She inspired me with them. It was one of those things that I thought someday I will get the book and do the work for it. Right now I am still in that "I am 40 years old (41 years old now but started when I hit 40) and what do I have to show for my life and where do I want it to go the next 20 years" phase. So doing that kind of work probably would be very good for me but as always things just get put aside.

Well after yesterday I don't have an excuse anymore. Jessica gave me a gift of the book and brought together 4 of us friends to do this together. I am looking forward to exploring all that comes with it.

Here is another link about them too that talks about how to make them.

Book Review: By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept: A Novel of Forgiveness by Paulo Coelho

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
The heroine is Pilar a young woman who is resigned that her life will not have anything extrodinary in it - it will be working, coming home to a marriage of companionship more then love and just doing what society expects of her. Her former childhood friend contacts her and together on a short journey they experience a spiritual path through admiting their love of each other and letting go of fears. I was caught up in the characters and their journey that carried me through the great Pyrenees. The book reminded me of the triumphs, fears, joy and pain associated with love as well as religion and our spiritual journey. It is often critized that Coehlo isn't writing "real" literture. But of course I disagree as he is my favorite author. His stories might have simiple life lessons but he often tells it in ways that seem to touch many people -- and I am one of those people. They are good simple lessons that come from Coehlo's heart so it is hard not to react to them. I am usually one turned off by overt conservative religous tones in books but Coehlo always has a twist on those religious themes that makes them far from being conservative. His words often make me look at my life -- my spiritual path, my life journey and the love in my life.
View all my reviews.

Living the Creative Life

On Friday's Gratitude list I said for the beautiful book I picked up at the library. I haven't finished the book but I had to write at least a little something at Goodreads.com which is below. But in reading more of this book since then I just am amazing by the words just as much. They really had got into my head -- many of the things I struggle with they are addressing. Definitely a book I am adding to my wishlist!

Living the Creative Life: Ideas and Inspiration from Working Artists by Rice Freeman-Zachery

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
June 27, 2008: I opened this book tonight and have not even read much of it yet but I started to cry. Cry because it evoked such a feeling of home for me. That this is truly the art I have inside wanting to come out. The pages are beautiful - truly inspiring.

View all my reviews.

In the busy....

I have been working so much that I haven't had time to really slow down and write/think. The graphic art side of our business is usually a smaller side but right now it has been extremely busy. So I have been sitting at the computer a lot more then usual but not able to surf, catch up on blogs, email and so on. I just am working working working. I been snappy and having a few melt downs but luckily I have Michael to help calm and center me again.

It feels like I am saying I am busy a lot lately which is a mixed blessing. Good that we are have our business going good but sad that I haven't been able to create art.

Too Busy to Play

I am doing lots of graphic art business right now. But it is so much work that I haven't been able to sit down at my work table in such a long time that things are getting piled on top of it instead of being used. And I hate when that happens. I miss it so much and I know some of my restlessness comes from the fact that I haven't been able to create - I haven't felt the paintbrush in my hand, I haven't been able to use my exacto-knife to cut out that perfect collage element, I haven't been able to get messy and play.

Santa Fe

I do 100 Things about me over on my other blog. And today I did a post on Santa Fe that I thought I would share over here because it was very inspiring too me.

I feel very connected to Santa Fe/Taos area.

For years before I visited Santa Fe I had these dreams where I would wake up and know I was dreaming of Santa Fe. I had never been. I really hadn't see many pictures of it. I just knew it was Santa Fe. So I shared the dream with Michael shortly after we were together. A year after living with him, he made my dream of visiting come true by taking me to Santa Fe.

It was truly amazing experience.

Art - We could have spent all the days we were there seeing art and not covered it all. Michael and I both love art, so it was very nice to go in and out of galleries seeing art with him. There are over 300 galleries and museums. The Georgia O'Keefe Museum was closed but we went to 2 others and then many many galleries. The art is not just southwest art either - it has classical, modern, folk - paintings, sculptures and photographs. Just everything you desire in art is in Santa Fe. It was very inspiring looking at all the different types of art. We looked at art everyday and never got through even 1/3 of the art available there. One of the places I really enjoyed was The Awakening. It is a monumental work of art...very powerful The ceiling and walls are covered with 8000 sq. feet of carved and painted wood. The pictures on the website and in the brochures do not do it justice. They allowed you to touch the works, take all sorts of pictures, lay on the floor or benches to look at the ceiling and have paper and pencils in the space in case you are inspired. It was inspiring. I did not sketch, but Michael took lots of pictures. Jean Claude Gaugy is the artist that created The Awakening. His work with color and line expresses emotion and movement. I really enjoyed witnessing his works.

(clicking on the images will take you to a bigger view of the photo)

Two pictures from The Awakening....
























Two other pictures - one of a sculputre in front of a gallery and then the second were part of a garden. They had dessert type plants and flowers and then these scupltures with twirly pieces on them that turned in the wind.

Architecture

- Michael and I both like adobe style buildings so of course we saw plenty in Santa Fe. The main street in town leads to a cathedral....St. Francis Cathedral. It is really one of the few buildings that is not done in the adobe architecture. Archbishop Jean Baptiste Lamy built a Romanesque cathedral. There were so many beautiful churches - from the St. Francis Cathedral. To Loretto which was Gothic style and has a spiral staircase that has no visible support - no dowels or nails were used in building it. To the oldest church in the USA which is San Miguel Mission. Michael took several pictures of adobe style churches. They were just so beautiful with the beams, craved doors, stucco, and iron work.

San Miguel Mission














Loretto
















St. Francis



















St. Francis













The plaza area downtown is lined in galleries, museums, and then shops that sell everything from high quality fashions to trinkets in a five and dime general store. There is a building called the Palace of the Governors on the plaza. Outside the Palace under the portal Native American women offer all sorts of goods for sale. It is called the market. For about a block women are sitting with their goods on the ground. They have blankets spread out with their good on them - LOTS of jewelry. Others have dolls, pottery, organic foods and herbal remedies. What I thought was interesting is that it is 80 degrees maybe 78 and all the women have long sleeves plus some with coats and sweaters and others under blankets....like it is cold. Some that are in the sun have umbrellas. But most are under a covered porch area.

Palace of the Governors







So many other things I could highlight because something I could not get over is how Santa Fe has everything - scenery, architecture, food....just cultural, history and art pouring out of it.

Oh I didn't mention Taos - the reason is we only spent a little time there. We wished we had been able to spend more. It is more artsy and rustic then Santa Fe but we had a nice time there too.

And just 2 more pictures even though Michael took a ton of pictures and this is just a small handful....

Art-less

I haven't been doing much art lately because I have been so busy with work. I am creating websites, logos, business cards, letterhead and postcards so they do tap into my creativity. But I haven't gotten around to sitting actually at my work table to create something that gets my hands dirty instead of digital graphic work.

Michael is going out of town in a couple of weeks so I am actually hoping that I will be able to use our that time we spend together in the evening to create. I also can't sleep well when he is gone and I usually feel very create late-late.

Migraine Cycle

Michael mentioned that he thought I had a bad migraine cycle like the one I have had this week -- last year about the same time. So I went back into my journals and he was right every year for the last 3 years I have had a week long migraine cycle. Although it doesn't make things better, it was nice to at least see the pattern. It is hard because the cycles always pull me down. And so I have to work hard to not let it totally do me in. Living with pain....is a phrase I wish I didn't know.

Cropped image from a painting I did after hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans -- I was really just feeling overwhelmed by the feelings. The canvas was layered with ripped papers and then I used thick paint just letting the brush work over and over and over. Everything was mixed and chaotic....just like the feelings that came from Katrina. I guess I assochiated that with my migraines because I just get so down and overwhelmed by them. I feel like I am going crazy.

No Focus

I am just not focusing well. Really I think both Michael and I are off our game right now. Really feeling out of it and tired. I had to re-measure flour the other night 2 times to get it right...I kept losing track. That is always frustrating.

Hmm what else...Just a little bit about Christmas presents...
I got some really great presents...not going to list them all or anything like that but I did want to mention a few! Michael and I did lots of movies to each other (that we bought together) but then our stocking were surprises. Michael gave me Big Love both seasons. We haven't seen season 2 yet. He also gave me The Princess Bride book, Godiva chocolate bars, a cute set of bowls with snowmen on them and then these really cool stickers. The images are taken from vintage luggage labels. I can't wait to use them but really would like to get an old suit case to use some of them on and then use it for storage.

The End of 2007....Start of a New Year

2007 In The Beginning...
Where did you bring in the New Year? at home watching movies
Who were you with? Michael
Did you kiss anyone at midnight? yes!
Did you make any resolutions? I don't make resolutions just try to be a better person, treat people with kindness and respect and do my best in everything.

2007 Your Love Life...
Did you break up with anyone? no
Did you get anything for Valentine's day? yes -- a few years ago Michael bought me my art domain for Valentines so he renews it for me. It is nice loving a geek!
Did you meet anyone special? People with Artspace. Everyone I have met there has been really great! And Jessica introduced me to Angie and she is a fantastic friend too.
Did you fall in love? Yes.....with Michael all over again.

2007 Friends and Enemies...
Did you meet any new friends this year? yes
Did any of your friendships end? yes
Did you dislike anyone? yes
Did you make any new enemies? I am sure of it.
Who was your closest friend? Michael always is the person I turn to first but this year I also really relied on Aydeen, Jessica, Caroylnn, Kaylee, Jen and Mandy
Who did you grow apart from? More people than I wanted.
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? That a few ended with reasons that seemed very odd, one was lying and that I didn't keep in contact with Aydeen as much as I wanted too.

2007 Your BIRTHDAY!!!
How old did you turn? the big 4-0
Did you have a cake? No -- at my request
What did you do for your birthday? My parents came to celebrate with me and we spent the day at Denver Art Museum and then we all went to dinner and Michael's parents joined us too.
Did you have a party? No...thank goodness
Did you get any presents? Yes...many many....Beauty and the Beast from Michael along with several other things and then my dear sweet sisters decided to be cute and gave me 40 gifts! As much as I didn't want to be reminded I was 40.....I did like their present it was very cute!

2007 All about you...
Did you change at all this year? yes
Did you dye your hair? yes several times!
Did you get your hair cut? yes....7 inches off
Did you change your style? not really just cut it much shorter
Did you get good grades? well in 2007 I wasn't in school
Did you have a job? Work for Michael designing websites and then also create art
Did you drive? If I have too....but I don't like to.
Did you own a car? No not this year, I gave my car to a person that was in need a few years ago.
Did you move at all? No
Did you go on any vacations? We did a few road trips. We went to Moab just for the night. And then we went to Minnesota to celebrate my parents 40th Wedding Anniversary. We also went to Louisiana but that was for work although we had a nice time together on the road.
Did you leave the country at all? No
Would you change anything about yourself now? weight always but it is a road block for me emotionally and mentally. Maybe I can get through some of that this new year.

2007.....Wrap Up.
Was 2007 a good year? yes I really feel it was a very good year for the business, our relationship, family time, health and just overall.
Do you think 2008 will top 2007? yes I believe it will be even better then 2007.

The First Ornament on the Tree

Last Monday I put the tree up but we didn't get to decorate it really until this past Saturday. I unpacked the ornaments on Monday though. Michael and I were watching TV together while I unwrapped and unpacked ornaments from mounds of tissue. I wasn't really paying attention as I did...but I finally looked down...the ornament I had in my hand is very special to me. Tears welled up....the emotions spilled through me and I began to sob. I let it all out...the ornament is my dog's ornament that we got for her 1st Christmas.

She died this last spring. I hadn't seen her for years as she was with my ex-husband but she still was in my heart.

So when Michael and I were ready to decorate the tree on Saturday night, he handed me the ornament and said that it should be the first one on the tree this year. More tears shed of course. But she was the first on the tree.

Here is what I wrote the night I found out she died...

May 3, 2007

When I was married and my husband and I bought a cute little house in March 1994. It was 80 plus years old at that time and needed some work. But we were looking forward to making it "ours." My husband was a pet person. He grew up with dogs. And so when we got a house, I told him I thought we should get a dog. Now at that time, I was not really a pet person. I liked animals...but much like children...I didn't know how to interact with them. I am also a girly girl...licking, drool and such grossed me out. And so I wasn't over joyed with the prospect of getting a dog but loved my husband and knew his really missed having a dog so I wanted him to have one. After living in our house for just a couple months, I woke up one Saturday morning and said, "Let's go to the humane society today." He turned 8 years old and bounced up and down. Yes he really did....that was kind of his thing.

We walked through the first part of this humane society...and it was all the puppies. We didn't see anything really. Then as you moved in further it had older dogs. The part with the puppies also was a part that had like little doors so they could go in and out...so part of the kennel was outside and part inside. I was looking but really I felt it was going to be up to him and really we thought we would just look because it was good time to discuss what kind of dog would be good for us. But over all I knew since he was the dog person he was going to have to find a dog that he liked. There were a few older ones he really liked but they were pretty big and he wasn't sure our yard was big enough for such big dogs. So we were heading out...going past the puppy cages again...some had been out when we walked in and as we walked past...

I stopped.

There were 4 puppies in this kennel and they were playing and having so much fun. I stopped. And he had kept walking he noticed I wasn't with him. He then turned back and saw me bent down and eye level with the puppies.

One of the workers came over to me right away. She said, "Would you like to see one?" I said, "YES!" I told her which one and he at this point is looking at me puzzled but happy. The worker brought the puppy out to me....and handed it to me. I pulled the puppy close to me holding her. The little pup was shaking in my arms but she did a big lick all across my face and I started to giggle. We played with her and held her some more. He said, "I think you found our dog."

We did....she came home with us! Because we had not been prepared to bring home a dog....we really had just thought we will go look to start getting an idea of what would work for our house and such. So we didn't have a collar and leash and she was so tiny so I held her and as soon as the car started moving she peed all over me. Again I remind you I am the girly girl who doesn't really like to get dirty. But here was this little puppy that had stolen my heart and so she was my baby. He dropped us off at home and he ran out and got food, leash, toys and all that stuff.

I thought we were going to get a dog for my husband and we came away with a dog for both of us. She captured my heart. My husband traveled quite a bit so she became a good friend for me. There are so many stories I could write....I just loved her so much. She helped me through some dark times by making me get out of bed and making me take care of her. And am so thankful for for finding her and my heart just being captured by her. I have a picture of her that hangs above my desk as there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her.

I found out tonight from my ex-husband's Mom that my dog had to be put down. She had a brain tumor and causing her to have so many seizures she became totally unresponsive. She hasn't been in my life for many years but my heart aches as though it was just yesterday when I hugged her close and I will miss her.

Holiday Blues

I really get annoyed with myself though because although we had a VERY nice Thanksgiving I still got sad and down yesterday. I was missing time with family. I even thought of one particular Thanksgivings. As I said in my last post cooking Thanksgiving meal isn't my favorite for a crowd. I am always worried the turkey won't come out good. Why I worry about that...I am not sure as I have always had my turkey's turn out really good.

I remember the first Thanksgiving I hosted was when my parents, sisters and one of my Grandma's came...when I was married. I think actually it was our first Thanksgiving after moving into our house. I had at that point in my life never made a turkey so thankfully my Mom was right there to help walk me through it! Such as I was forgetting to pull the sack of giblets so she caught that! And she made the mashed potatoes because it took me years to master those...I always have had lumps. I finally can make mashed potatoes without lumps (well most of the time). But everything else I made turned out really good. I just remember being so intimidated because my Mom and my Grandma are amazing cooks. So here I am doing turkey dinner for the first time and they are my guests. Oh my the panic! I remember freaking out on before they got there in the morning - they had stayed in a hotel as our house had lots stairs and my Grandma couldn't take those. So it was just my sisters that stayed with us. I was told all would work out and of course it did.

I know I hosted Thanksgiving a few more times...once when my sisters couldn't get to Minnesota they came to our house at least Michelle did. I recalled some past Thanksgiving memories during my sadness although all the memories I recalled were good memories. It just made me a little nostalgic thus making me feel a little sad. But as I said it annoys me because I have so much to be thankful for plus I had such a nice day with Michael that I shouldn't have been sad at all. I just feel this year is going to be year of recalling old memories for me because of my mindset about being 40.

Well that is enough reminiscing for today. I need to work.

(image is from an ATC - Lost)

Bringing on the Busy...

I have felt kind of down this weekend. But today I finished up something for a friend and that actually helped me feel better knowing we will make her smile. I don't feel I accomplished much else though this weekend. I have 2 websites that I need to work on...changes to one and finishing up the other now that the client decided what template she wants. I also need to finish up an article. And then prep for Thanksgiving this week.

Michael's parents are coming for his birthday (Dec 6th) so I need to finish the autumn cleaning I started a few weeks ago (when I was steam cleaning). I would like to wash and press all the curtains and steam clean the hallway and Michael's office before they come (then all the carpet in the house would be done). I have bunches of stuff to go to Goodwill but I need to get it all together (one spot) and then typed up for taxes.

I started making our holiday card list today, got out the cards and labels so that I can try to get those out early this year. Maybe I will even get a letter done this year.

(The photo is one Michael took of our tree a couple years ago - the ornament is one his Grandmother made.)

Quiet

I have been quiet because when we come home I crash. And then we have had work to do so been busy with that.

Today we went grocery shopping. This afternoon I made a few loaves of herbed french bread and sour cream cookies. Michael has a meeting tomorrow night that he is bringing snacks to so I am making a taco dip and then some french bread pizza. I felt like I smelled like basil all afternoon because the basil in the bread was so strong.

Tomorrow and Friday I am steam cleaning carpets as it will be in the 70's so I can keep the windows open while the carpet drys.

(cropped image from ATC Plug In)

where oh where is my hair....

You know when I walked in to get my haircut I knew I should have waited as my favorite girl wasn't there today. So instead getting the 4 to 5 inches I wanted off...the stylist took 7 to 8 inches off. It is just a smidge past my chin. After I dye it tomorrow I will take pictures. I showed her how much I wanted off and she started in the back so I didn't see how much she was actually taking off until it was too late. When she got to the front....I knew....it was quite a bit shorter then I told her. Sad thing is that if I would have known she was taking that much off I would have told her to take one more inch and save my hair so that it could have went to locks of love - I think that is what upsets the most. All that hair lying on the floor could have been donated had she asked to take that much off.

It was just hard looking at it this short though and she is lucky I didn't start crying right there. I know it is only hair. It will grow back but just not feeling very happy about it. I am sure it will "grow" on me. Michael likes it and says it is cute so that is good. I was worried it was too short for him too.