Always on the Back Burner

It feels like since mid-June I just have had lots on my plate but not many things get done totally. I start working on something and either Michael has to finish it or it just gets put on the back burner for something else that needs done. I hope by the end of the summer I will have been able to enjoy some me time. Do art, sew, get some plans on the way for some redecorating and so on.

Doing Not Thinking Challenge

So my goals for this Doing Not Thinking Challenge goals are:
1. Work on art once a month (great if more but I want to at least try for once a month)
2. Create Soul Collage cards (like at least 3 done by the end of challenge)
3. Organizing and decluttering - which I have been working on already but want to continue with these areas
* storage
* Michael’s office
* bedroom closet
* front closet
4. Sew one thing. I haven't sewn in years and picked up a basic sewing book at the library and want to make it a goal just to sew one thing so that I don't keep putting it off.

Progress: nothing unfortunately

Goals Completed: bedroom closet, Michael's office and front closet

Chasing Cars

A couple of friends were discussing that it is hard for them to say "I love you" because the meaning of the words almost seem like nothing these days. I agree. We use love for things we simply enjoy. Like I love how blue the sky looks today. When really I am enjoying how blue the sky looks but I don't love it. Love has taken on a meaning that doesn't convey what we feel for another person....the depth and importance of those feelings. I am one that tends to say I love you easily. I say it when I mean it. When I have the feelings that match those words for me. But I do wish we had something that could convey the message of loving another person better.

In the book the Secret Life of Bees they talk about the same subject and I wrote about it here...just a little.


Lyrics for the above song from Snow Patrol...Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Friends

As I mentioned in my gratitude post yesterday I received some mail love this past week. I couldn't find the card online but it is similar and from the same series as this one.

It said on the front:

"Awake, my dear.
Be kind to your sleeping heart.
Take it out into the vast
field of light
And let it breathe."

Inside she just wrote a very touching message. I have been having lots of insomnia and her words were a comfort.

Gay Rights...?

I am thrilled we have Obama as President-Elect. But I am really confused on how a country can elect Obama but still ban gay marriages? It really disappoints me that we as country don't give everyone equal rights. Even though that is one the foundations of this nation. I don't get it. I have had happy tears going last night and this morning but have some sad tears going now too. I have several friends that got married this past year - I was so happy for them and I hope that their marriages won't be annuled. And I hope that those bans are overturned and others who I love can get married too.

Migraine Cycle

Michael mentioned that he thought I had a bad migraine cycle like the one I have had this week -- last year about the same time. So I went back into my journals and he was right every year for the last 3 years I have had a week long migraine cycle. Although it doesn't make things better, it was nice to at least see the pattern. It is hard because the cycles always pull me down. And so I have to work hard to not let it totally do me in. Living with pain....is a phrase I wish I didn't know.

Cropped image from a painting I did after hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans -- I was really just feeling overwhelmed by the feelings. The canvas was layered with ripped papers and then I used thick paint just letting the brush work over and over and over. Everything was mixed and chaotic....just like the feelings that came from Katrina. I guess I assochiated that with my migraines because I just get so down and overwhelmed by them. I feel like I am going crazy.