Always on the Back Burner

It feels like since mid-June I just have had lots on my plate but not many things get done totally. I start working on something and either Michael has to finish it or it just gets put on the back burner for something else that needs done. I hope by the end of the summer I will have been able to enjoy some me time. Do art, sew, get some plans on the way for some redecorating and so on.

Elizabeth Gilbert on TED

Michael found this and passed it on to me. It is Elizabeth Gilbert the author of Eat Pray Love giving a talk about the creative process and what it does to us creative types. I really enjoyed it and felt myself nodding along on many things.

Visual Chronicles

We got home from Denver maybe 30 minutes ago but I didn't want to forget to do this so signed online right away...

Last night before bed I was reading from Visual Chronicles by Linda Woods & Karen Dinino. It is a book that Michael got me for my birthday and I love. The sub-title to it is "The No-Fear Guide to Creating ART JOUNRALS, Creative manifestos and altered books."

Anyway..here is the quote I wanted to share...

"I AM ART. Say it loud and say it strong. You are art -- right here and now. You do not have to do anything to be "artistic" or learn anything special to be quotable. You are a living, breathing, perfect example of art. You are color, light, form, words, song, sound....You are a unique, ever-growing, ever-changing masterpiece."

I think that last part of..."You are color, light, form..." is really amazing.

Soul Collage

A very dear friend of mine, Jessica had been doing Soul Collage. I have seen her breathtaking and moving cards. She inspired me with them. It was one of those things that I thought someday I will get the book and do the work for it. Right now I am still in that "I am 40 years old (41 years old now but started when I hit 40) and what do I have to show for my life and where do I want it to go the next 20 years" phase. So doing that kind of work probably would be very good for me but as always things just get put aside.

Well after yesterday I don't have an excuse anymore. Jessica gave me a gift of the book and brought together 4 of us friends to do this together. I am looking forward to exploring all that comes with it.

Here is another link about them too that talks about how to make them.

Art Classes

Over on my other blog I am very slowly doing 100 Things about me....and this one is art related so just cutting and pasting it here....


14. My art classes were good for me and bad for me as an artist.


When I was in college my major changed several times but I always had art classes. Most of the art classes I took were set up the same way. We sketched - did some specific assignments for about a week and then we had to bring in those works plus a sampling of any previous work. To give the professor a preview of what we did - who we were as artists. I don't remember the words said but always it was a form of rejection of my talent to out right brutally "honest" opinions that I did not have it as an artist.

One semester I took, another nude figure drawing class - as those were my favorite because I love drawing the form...curves, softness, roughness - so much to a body. I took this class however because I knew it was going to be a little different as the professor was an artist from NYC. I had seen his work and liked it. The university I went to owned a building downtown that they converted. It was one of those old brick buildings that had a lot of character and had probably been a textile mill or something of that nature. The first floor of the building was a gallery, second had about 5 or 6 studio classrooms and then the top 2 levels were studios and apartments for visiting artists. They could live and use the studios to work and show work with the condition of teaching an art class.

The start of his class was not different then any other. But this one still really stands out over all the others that told me I did not have talent. He was polite but basically said it was a hobby for me. He told me I probably would never sell anything (proved him wrong several times over by now). I had heard it over and over again. I always just gave it something - not enough really to me. But I didn't give up completely even with the comments. At the end of the semester for that class we had to do the same thing we bring in works from the class and anything outside of class we felt was significant. I arrived and he had long tables set up where I laid out each drawing. He got to the third drawing out of like fifty pieces. He looked ahead a little and then looked back at the 2 before and then again at the 3rd. He said, "I'm sorry." I said, "pardon?" I was so scared I did something wrong and he was going to fail me - as this was like a final for art. And he looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry....I should have spent more time with you."

See what the art professors I came in contact with did use that first viewing at the beginning of the semester to pick out the the students they think have talent to work with them and push them more one on one. The others just get skipped over or glances with passing one or 2 word comments. That is what he did to me all semester.

So he looked over the final portfolio and explained to me that he saw something that I should explore more. He went on to explain where he should have been pushing me more. We talked about each piece. He wrote down lots of stuff for me to remember and learn from. He had me explain what I felt and thought. We had a wonderful conversation. He wrote up a letter to give to my next professor. He told what pieces to put in my next portfolio for my next class. And sat and talked to me about my art in a positive way.

All those that came before him said things horrible - things that could have stopped me from taking art....from making art. Of course I let it affect me but I didn't stop or give up. It slowed me down. I didn't always push myself at times because of the things said. But still I have had it in me...that passion for art. And if I had let the previous professors stop me I might never have gotten that chance to stand there with a professor and artist that saw something.

So I had this positive happen with my art...I needed to work full time so I could save for my wedding. So I had to quit school to work full time and never got my degree in art - yes by that year I was an art major. So I gave it up. I worked on my art here and there through the years but I never gave it what I should have or wanted to give it. Mostly fear stopped me of course. Fear and doubts in myself. I then came to be with Michael and he not only encouraged it but insisted on me pursuing it more. I still don't give it what I should but I am so grateful for all he has done to support and encourage this passion. And glad that I have been able to create.

(top image: charcoal drawing from the class I talk about in post. just a rough sketch. middle image: mixed media on paper that I made for friends a few years ago - bottom image: mixed media on canvas that I did for my parents a few years ago)

In the busy....

I have been working so much that I haven't had time to really slow down and write/think. The graphic art side of our business is usually a smaller side but right now it has been extremely busy. So I have been sitting at the computer a lot more then usual but not able to surf, catch up on blogs, email and so on. I just am working working working. I been snappy and having a few melt downs but luckily I have Michael to help calm and center me again.

It feels like I am saying I am busy a lot lately which is a mixed blessing. Good that we are have our business going good but sad that I haven't been able to create art.

All-in-one Website Design/Hosting

Recently I came upon several artists we are acquainted with that got their website at an all-in-one place. It is a place where you can get hosting, domain, and then you can "design" your own site by simple selecting colors, layout and such but not actually design it. Which of course means most of the sites there end up looking very similar because there isn't any design to it. Those kind of sites also really limit what you can do to them. You can't have add-ons that might enhance your website. You can only go with what they allow. But really that isn't my problem with them even though I don't like it as it doesn't really express anything unique about the artist. But my main problem is that the company owns the domain. And yes I read their faq saying they will "happily" transfer it over but I wonder how hard it is actually. And their faq answer to why you should just let them handle the domain is VERY misleading. It is basically scaring the customer into just leaving it to them. If any of those artists want to move their site so that they can design something different or add on anything, the all-in-one site might fight or not relinquish the artist's website. So they are trapped in it. And that bothers me a great deal.

And just to note I am not upset that the artists didn't go with us to design their website - yes it would be great if they did but I do understand why people go with the all-in-one. It is quick, inexpensive and easy way to get yourself on the web. I would rather them choose any designer over places like the all-in-one because of all the problems that can come up with an all-in-one type site.

Too Busy to Play

I am doing lots of graphic art business right now. But it is so much work that I haven't been able to sit down at my work table in such a long time that things are getting piled on top of it instead of being used. And I hate when that happens. I miss it so much and I know some of my restlessness comes from the fact that I haven't been able to create - I haven't felt the paintbrush in my hand, I haven't been able to use my exacto-knife to cut out that perfect collage element, I haven't been able to get messy and play.

Packrat

I did another 100 Things about me over on my other blog about being a packrat. The reason I decided to do that as 100 Things about me post is because I had been cleaning up my studio - hoping that in doing so I would be inspired and break the block I am having....

Here is a little section from that post...

I am also a pack rat when it comes to art supplies. I have so much ephemera in my studio that I know I can't use it all in my life time. But I keep it for a just in case I might need it. Granted I do go through stuff and mail out some stuff to artist friends at times but still not enough obviously by the looks of my studio. I just was cleaning it and trying to reorganize it and label all my containers so I could find things easier. And it really opened my eyes of how much "stuff" I have sitting in here.

Magazines are another thing that I hang on to forever. I finally went through quite a lot of them during spring cleaning this year. But I still have quite a bit in my studio but the magazine I had the bedroom and the living room were filtered down quite a lot. I ended up throwing out 2 heavy duty trash bags of magazines (they probably could have fit in one but I couldn't have lifted it to get it to the trash.) I went through and cut out recipes and things I thought I might use in art. So I still have a pile of stuff but instead of have stacks and stacks of magazines I have a fairly small pile of things tore out of the magazines.

Not myself without it.....

I am really frustrated that I haven't been able to do any art in a while. I have done some digital but I really am craving to feel paper, feel a paint brush in my hand, go through all my ephemera and see what speaks to me.

Maybe soon....maybe not though we just have been crazy busy.

Pushing Art Aside....

I want to create but it never seems that I have the energy for it when I have the time for it. It is very frustrating. I was thinking about all the art I have seen in some friends studio as a stock pile ready for showings and such. And I just am not sure I have that time to get that together. I have a ton of stuff started. I just don't get the time to finish them or when I do have the time - my desire is to work on something new.

So I think about getting a stock pile up and making the time for it. And so I think oh in a month things will be better. I will make the time then. And a month comes and goes....2 months come and go...and nothing. And then I think about it again and it is in the midst of several work projects and or life just happens and my art aside is the first thing I put aside. Something that is so good for me, that I have such passion for and it is the thing I push aside. Really not very healthy of me.

But then of course I really examine my time....and see many times I could have done art and don't. And sometimes it is just energy. I just don't have the energy for it. But there are other times that I do and I don't create. Why? Because of fear still. I let that fear of creating stop me. And all the things that come with that.

A vicious circle.

Frustration

It bothers me when I have so much creativity just swirling around but no time to create. I have captured some ideas with a few notes or quick sketches to help me out when I do have a block and don't know what to create or just when time to get to them. But it still frustrates me.

Good thing or Bad thing...??

Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I got so caught up in painting that I almost took a drink of the water I rinse my brushes off with? Instead of my diet coke sitting on the other end of the table?

Thank goodness...I caught myself before I actually drank...not sure acrylic paint is really "good" for a person.

Going back to work!

Busy Busy Busy!

Michael opened his own business this summer and a lot of my time has been helping him out. So, I haven't had much time to devote to my art. I do NOW though!

And...

Of course....

I am scared. I always get this way when I haven't been able to touch it for a while. It is like you know when you haven't rode a bicycle in a while you wonder if you can really do it. Logically you know it will come back. But that....aniexty before actually peddling the pedals is there. And that is how I am with my art at the moment.

I have lots I can be doing. I have 2 art dolls sitting here just needing some final touches on one. I need to really get into the other. I have 3 tins primed. One started as a present. I have many canvas sitting here primed and ready to go and actually several things wrote down in my art journal on what I want to do with them. I had a couple book ideas floating around in my head too. Oh and I have 2 people approach me on commissioning works. It is just I am nervous....of what if I won't come out...what if they don't turn out...and all the what ifs that happen when I haven't touched things in a while.

So today I am taking the first step to get going. I am going to organize my art studio - but really it is a mess. And after I go through papers, paints, metal bits and pieces my fingers will ache to actually do something - at least that is how it has worked in the past.

Things on my list art related but not actual art: Set up Etsy shop, get sold pieces that were on sale off my website and new ones put up there and Etsy. I think I have some new pieces to upload too. I know that I never finished getting descriptions on each piece done on my website. And I need to get the graphic banner that is on my website here on my blog.* So I obviously have many things to do!

Oh and then reading that all through again...yep FEAR.

But I will get through it because I can't begin to express what art does FOR ME. These last few months of not being able to.....really affect my moods. I am much more balanced person when I able to create.


* I did that right after posting so that is done!

Website!

Well it is official....

Darbyart.com is up and working!

No Time for Art

I am in the process of working on 6 websites....with 2 more on the horizon. Two of them are for charities that Michael and I want to help out. And then 2 of them are our websites - Michael's for his business and then one for my art (which are always on the bottom of the list). And then 2 others are clients with one deadline coming up really quick. I feel a little stressed as we have had guests from out of town and then I have been sick with the stomach flu all week. I hope to get a lot accomplished on all of them this weekend.

Because of all the websites I haven't had one moment of time to work on art. And I am missing it a lot. So I hope to get on with that soon as I got some tins in the mail from a good friend and I have several canvas' primed and several smaller pieces started I would like to finish. Soon...soon...I hope.

Art Goodies!

We went out town this past weekend and I came home with lots of presents! Michael's parents had a bunches of stuff for me...old games and old photographs. Everything is great! I love it all. Stuck in the bundle of photos were some old maps plus a high school diploma from 1923. So I just have so many wonderful things to inspire me and create!

Here is a picture of just a few of the photographs.....










close up of some of them....













Also while out of town Michael bought me a bunch of art goodies....metal, cloth, and paper bits that I am so excited to use.

One of my favorite stops while in Denver is the Dollar Tree and they had some dolls I plan on altering. One I think is going to be a political piece and the other I think an angel/spiritual type piece. I am going to pull their hair out, paint them and alter them so they are not even recognizable so that is why I need....

...the before pictures of the dolls...















And then....I had one more fantastic thing happen...I sent some friends some cookies and they sent me a thank you package filled with art goodies that was totally unexpected and unnecessary but very much appreciated.

Here is a picture of the wonderful art goodies they sent me....
















layers and layers of fun!

I am sure with all these wonderful things I am going to be creating...and get this artist block unblocked!

Getting Back in the Saddle....

I have read several articles recently about how artists experience a greater amount of depression then others. And lately I have wondered if it is true....as I have been going through a kind of down period. I just sit and stare at the paper/canvas/whatever is in front of me and I can't let anything out. I go through thoughts filled with fear of "ruining" it, self doubt and a million other little negative thoughts. The longer it goes on the harder it is to start it back up again. This week marked the first time I picked up a paint brush and was not so worried that I was paralyzed by all the fears that go through my mind. It has been a while since I have been able to do that but it was time to get back in the saddle - so to speak. I told myself I can paint right back over it if it doesn't work out. I need to get back into that practice of saying "so what" - if it doesn't turn out exactly as I have it in my head.

I miss creating and it spins into other areas of life when I am not able too. I get grumpy and snap at Michael more when I haven't had good quality art time. And that is not fair to him so I need to get back to having that daily time to create no matter what comes out.

Right now my mind has been filled with 102 ideas and of course they all want out. And there is no way I am going to get them all right now. I started an art (paper) journal where I just do a quick sketch and write out ideas surrounding the concept so that day when I do have a creative block hopefully these little notes will help feed the creative process.

(side note: icon is by Alex Grey. I enjoy his work.)

Website!

Michael bought me www.darbyart.com! Isn't he the best? It will probably take me a while before I get the site done though as I have several others to be working on right now but at least it has a coming soon page up.

Workspace

I am posting pictures of my workspace because all the cool people are posting pictures of their workspace.

Ignore the ugly wallpaper please!

work table --- there is a little cart with 3 drawers that can fit under the table when I don't use the top for more supplies...like it is being used now. You can see a bit of it...the baby wipes are sitting on it.


Close up of table...the flat round container and the round tin are...full of bits and pieces. The flat one has quite a few fortunes from fortune cookies, it has foreign coins and stamps, metal bits and pieces and such. The round tin has buttons, mini playing cards, tags and whatnot.


Paper and Ephemera....the file folder has folders for everything under the sun - medical, people, nature, maps, and so on. The lovely Sam's water box is actually a box that I need to sort and file. And then the boxes behind it - the purple stripe box has pretty handmade papers, paintchips, and other pretty paper. The yellow box sitting in it is scraps...little scraps and it is going to go into the box under the purple stripe box that is empty.

Directly behind me as I sit at my work table is a shelving unit that I have had since I was in college. That thing has been battered and banged up but still survives all my moves. It has 3 columns of shelves. It recently contained books, more books and more books. I transferred some books to another shelving unit and then others into storage. Now it contains supplies...fibers, more paint (most of my paint is on my table), beading supplies, books that I cut up or alter, a basket full of cds that I intend to alter, box full of ribbon, colored pencils, pastels, markers, crayons, coloring books and toys(important part of creating for me), a box that I call my junk box - it has so many odds and ends of ephemera it is an insane box to open the combinations you find in it. Plus just so much more. I have boxes and crates under the unit that have magazines and newspapers.