Living with Pain...

I have had several people ask me about living with pain (migraine pain). I usually don't go a week without one. And at times they are cycles where they last from 3 to 10 days. Every thing and every day with a migraine is measured. I wake up and gauge the level of pain...such as today is a 4...okay I might get away with coding or medium level of housework. If today was a 9 I wouldn't be able to get out of bed. And I would need everything quiet and black.(Pain scale)

Let me give an concrete example...lets say if I was to load/unload the dishwasher. I have to measure all the factors that goes into the task and the environment that surrounds it. So the kitchen has a window over the sink that has quite a bit of light coming through it. It also has a skylight and the adjoining dining room has a window too. So the kitchen is fairly lite up, light hurts my migraine and can cause it to spike if I don't watch it closely. Next smells affect me so the fragrance in dishwasher detergent, some foods residue when rinsing off plates and other dishes might bother me, if I need to scour something a little more I use vinegar and baking powder (vinegar is not the most pleasant smell). When I unload and load the dishwasher I then wipe the sink and counters down the smell of what I clean it with can make my migraine worse. I am overly sensitive to smell with a migraine so if the trash has onion peels from the night before so I could be heading to the bathroom after unloading/loading dishwasher because the smell might get to me. Also my strength when I have a migraine is just not full because if to have to really scrub a pan that is causing me to move more....which makes my heart rate up (even a little) and that causes my head to pound more. Bending up and down over the dishwasher - the motion - can aggravate my head too - making it spike. I am sure there are other factors I am missing too that I have to add in.

So I wake in the morning with a migraine I might not be able to do it because of all the things that go into that simple daily task. If I am lucky I might get to do it in stages...unload the top rack and then walk away for a while. A pain level of 3 or 4 in my migraine, I might be able to unload and load all at once but usually I do have to rest after because I do cause it to spike a little and by rest then I can get it back to a 3 or 4. If I start to push too much I can send it over and make it the pain level spike to a 7 quickly and stay that way for the rest of the day.

The thing about this all....that if I didn't do things when it is a 3 or 4 I would NEVER accomplish anything. But I do have to say some days when there have been a string of them back to back, I wonder where is my quality of life? I feel angry that I don't get to do some things because of the migraine. I also feel guilt because I can't accomplish or keep up with some things because of it.

So there it is...I try to live each day the best I can and get the most I can accomplished and pray and hope that the next day I won't have a migraine so that I can do even more.

(Okay one friend that I was discussing this post with asked me if I had ever heard of the spoon theory. I never had so she sent me a link. It does an excellent job describing it...I am thankful I don't live with something more than migraines...although they suck I know I could be worse off.)

(cropped image - ATC - Lost)