The Mermaid Chair

I went to bed at 2am. I woke up at 3:46 and it took a while to get to sleep. At 6:12 I woke up because I heard Michael - he was cleaning up a kitty cat accident. So I got up to gather trash as it was trash day. I laid back down around 6:30 but wasn't able to get to sleep. Mind just racing. So I got up at 7:19. We had breakfast and watched a West Wing before heading back to bed.

I was so scared I wasn't going to get to sleep. If I hadn't ended where I did in the book I am reading, I don't think I would have....I am reading The Mermaid Chair and she was describing 2 Chagall paintings (I have always liked his art). So I drifted away to one of the paintings and ended up dreaming about it...


Lovers in the Red Sky - the one I dreamed about

And then the other painting she talked about in the book...
La baie des Anges

So as I said I am reading The Mermaid Chair. I am half way through and I have had tears 5 times I think. When I went into the doctors office this afternoon, I had it in my hand and the nurse told me she had heard good things about it and asked what it was about and how I liked it. I told her that I felt it was about a woman going through her mid-life crisis. She said she could relate then - I said, "ME TOO" - which is why I am tearing up so much in the book. Things she talks about are hitting a little close to home for me. Not that I am having an affair - so anyone who has read the book please know that isn't what is hitting close to home. It is just some of her feelings of herself that are hitting close to home for me.

Friday Gratitude

Night - I am a night owl. I love the night sky. I love the energy that comes with the night for me. I don't think I could live very happily in dark environment. I do need sun. I just enjoy the night a little more.
Novels - I have been on a fiction kick lately and read many novels. I love the stories. I love that they slow down my brain and let me escape into the story for a little bit of time.
Naps - They are so nice! I especially like having naps with Michael. Snuggling up to him and just feel the warmth of his skin next to me. So comforting. So safe.
Noise - Although I love silence....just sitting in the quiet late night hours or early morning...I also like noise. When I am doing art work, cleaning and such I need noise...tv or music. And I enjoy that sound while being busy. Makes me feel not so alone - like I have company while doing those things.
Nature - Although nature really doesn't like me....I do like it. The trees, the leaves changing....the flowers blooming in the spring. The beautiful mountains of Colorado. The desert cliffs...red earth...tumbleweeds and just the vast open space of it. (Nature doesn't like me as I have lots of allergies that come from nature.)
Nose - to smell things with! Dinner simmering on the stove top, cookies coming out of the oven, a rose, fragrant wine, clean sheets on the bed, freshly mowed grass, cinnamon rolls out of the oven, vinegar - being a clean smell for me - because my Mom (and now I do too) clean with it, freshly popped popcorn that my Dad was making into popcorn balls as he loves them....so many good smells I am very thankful I have nose to smell them with!
Now - I try very hard to be aware of the present. To live in the now. So now is a pretty important word for me. And I am thankful for all the now gives me.
Next - And from the last word comes the this one...next. I am thankful what comes next. Although I live in the now, I enjoy the next. I think of with this word something from West Wing..."what's next?" In that context it was okay we have resolved this...what's next. Let's keep going forward. And so although I live in the now I do want to keeping going forward - to the next.
Notes - Notes..I make notes and lists. But I also like the little notes that I leave Michael to make him smile. Just recently he found one that I had really really buried in one of his equipment bags. He had to go out of town on a work assignment and I couldn't go with him so I did a ton of little notes all through out every bag he brought with him. The one he found had 2 little kitties that I colored and a princess tiara and then said the kitty cats and I miss you! I like leaving those little notes to make Michael smile. So I am thankful for notes that I make and leave.
Nourishment - I am thankful for the various forms of nourishment I get not only in food but connection with others, learning new things, creating art, meditating, exploring and all the other various forms of nourishment that come into my life and feed me.

(cropped image of Midwest atc)

Cleaning Day

Although I have been kind of down today I did get a lot accomplished. Made pancakes for breakfast, then cleaned, made bread, did a little work, and now I am going to go prep dinner. Michael requested mac-n-cheese. So I am making the a meal of comfort. Meatloaf, mac-n-cheese, mixed veggies and bread.

Tomorrow I need to clean bathrooms and wash the kitchen floor. I also want to start in on my studio. It is MESS! My studio is the room that I bring things when I don't know what I am going to do with them...do you have a place like that? Anyway because Michael and I were so busy before we left on vacation that stack of STUFF got very big. It seems like gremlins where I must have shined bright light on it, gave it water, fed it after midnight because the STUFF seemed to multiple and taken over my room.

OMG isn't this a cute summer cake! Mandy LOOK at it! I can totally see you making it! You have such a way with decorating cakes!

From today's Daily Om...
"Resistance tends to strengthen the energies it attempts to oppose by giving them power and energy to work against. Additionally, resistance keeps us from learning more about what we resist. In order to fully understand something, we must open to it enough to receive its energy; otherwise, we remain ignorant of its lessons. There is a Tibetan story of a monk who retreats to meditate in a cave only to be plagued by demons. He tries everything—chasing, fighting, hiding—to get the demons out of his cave, but the thing that finally works is surrender. He simply lets them have their way with him and only then do they disappear."

(cropped image of Balanced Living an atc - one of the first I made)

Friday Gratitude

I haven't done a gratitude list using a letter in a while so going to use the letter M tonight...

Michael - There will never be enough words or even the right words to express my gratitude for Michael. I am grateful that I found someone with so many wonderful qualities - funny, smart, handsome, sexy, generous, kind, talented, creative and much much more. I am grateful for the journey we share together. Thank you! I love you Michael!
Moni - I am grateful to my good friend Moni. I miss her so much. She always gave me support during hard time and to the ear to just hash things out. You are a good friend and I love you!
meditation - I am grateful for the time and practice of medication - it makes me feel better - more centered.
Michael Parkes - I really enjoy his art and grateful that he shares his talent through his beautiful, mysterious work.
mixed media art - I grateful for all the mix media works that inspire me to push myself as an artist.
music - It really is like the next word...music is a memory. I am grateful for the words, the sound that make memories or create an emotion in the moment that will be thought of and felt forever.
memories - I am grateful to all the wonderful memories I have...from those that are still here and for those that aren't...I do cherish them.
movies - grateful to the hours and hours of entertainment movies provide. And tomorrow night I will be watching Casino Royale and drooling!
mulled cider - I love mulled cider. It is not the season for it but in the fall it is a wonderful taste and aroma.
Mom - I am grateful to my Mom. She is a great Mom....gave me wonderful special times and supported me through all my life...good and bad times.

(image is a crop of Dream 58)

a box from my past

When at my parents, I picked up a box that my ex-husband sent to them years ago when he sold our house. It has been so very weird going through it. I am thankful for him sending it. The box has Grandmother Remember books that I gave both of my grandmother's. There were a ton of old letters and cards from when I was a little girl and teenager sent from friends. When I moved from North Dakota to Nebraska, I had forgotten the letters I did with my friends in North Dakota. Then there are a few letters where the name sounds familiar but I can't place a face at all or figure out how or why I know this person. But I have lots of letters from her. One thing I had been thinking about recently when we went through Omaha was a friend I had lost touch with long long ago. Anyway her married name was very long and difficult for me to spell so I could never remember it correctly to track her down but in the box there was her wedding invitation, announcement from the paper, program for her wedding and other little memorabilia several with her last name on it. So I did a search today and found an address so I am going to write her tomorrow.

(image cropped of Where's the Rest of the Alphabet?)

The Trip

I wrote up a little entry talking about the trip we took to go celebrate my parent's 40th anniversary over at the daily grind blog. It was a wonderful trip and I am so grateful for the time I had with my family celebrating my parents truly inspiring marriage.